sometimes I wonder ep.2

mainly Copenhagen, the same benches as before

In the last post I promised myself to write this either monthly or weekly. That of course did not happen. It may be writer’s block, or it may be the 2 hour a day commute to work. But I am back, because sometimes you get the urge to do something. Something creative, for me it is writing. And I fear that if I don’t write today, the day will be bad. I allow myself to be superstitious from time to time.

✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪

doing what the city asks you. Copenhagen.

I took a plane to Copenhagen on Friday. Even woke up in the small hours for it, I set my alarm for 4 am. Rough, as I committed the sin of not falling asleep early enough the day before. Something past bad time management skills, something like the want to have a rough start. Perhaps.

I arrived in Denmark at 8:15 in the morning. The sun has already risen up by then. Before leaving the airport I put my make-up on, sitting on a high chair at the back of an airport restaurant. There was no mirrors in any of the bathrooms. Hours later I realized that the make-up was cakey, and there were stripes from the bristles on my face.

I walked out of the airport feeling tired and needing coffee. Urgently. I chose the same cafe that a friend showed me 2 years ago, when I first visited Copenhagen. The weather was good, the sky was clear, air filled with the wind running from the sea and there was sun. More of it with each hour. It was all surprising. I didn’t need an umbrella like the last time when I was here. Then in a rebellious act of wanting not to spend much money in one of the most expensive cities in Europe I didn’t buy one. It rained for 4 days and on the last one, a heel from my right boot fell off.

Original Coffee sits in front of Sortedams Sø, the Sortedam Lake. If you look at the map, the lake looks very clean in its shape, long and rectangular. Perfect almost. There are 4 bridges that cut the lake into 5 parts, I was sat in front of the second part - that is if you consider Østerbro north and the part of the lake closest to it, the first part.

I had the whole day to myself. It was only around 4 when I had to leave the city and travel up the island Zealand to a city where a friend I was visiting is staying.

There was a pigeon that kept attacking the oatmeal I ordered with my coffee. And two pairs of people on the long table I was sitting at. I kept eavesdropping. The woman in a turtleneck did something with maths and physics. I thought to myself that one could see her sophistication through the clothes she was wearing. She was what I imagine when I think the word smart. There was a guy, verging on obnoxiousness, who came there with a girl after running and then after plopping himself down, announced with pride that he will run 5 more kilometers after this. Coffee as pre-workout.

The cafe kept me on its patio for some time. Neither the coffee nor the oatmeal was exceptional - I quickly remembered that last time, we went there for a cheap traditional Danish breakfast - but I didn’t feel like cheese and bread. The oatmeal got soggy and the coffee cold, and with each minute it was the pigeon who was more interested in anything that was on either of my plates, but I was sat down with a pen in hand and half of my attention on the paper, and the other half of it dedicated to whatever the runner guy was saying. Something about the area he lives in now.

Copenhagen didn’t expect much from me on that day. I took the sun as the sign to be outside as much as possible, and I took my weariness as a sign of doing as little as possible. I planned my life - not much, slept on the grass in the park while the chocolates I brought from home melted in my bag and changed my shoes into ones with an open heel. You must bring two pair of shoes for a 3 day trip, of course.

revisiting, rewatching, rereading

Going over what I did in Copenhagen I see I only moved between places I have seen before. I went to a cafe I have been to before, I then proceeded to go to the same park I went to the last time, and tried to swing on my favourite swing, but it was occupied by kids. I slept in the park then - something I haven’t done on my first visit. I blame the rain. I tried going to another cafe which I tried to go last time, but then it was closed, and this time it was busy.

There is a joy in revisiting places you’ve only seen once or twice while traveling. In Østre Anlæg, the park with the swing, I sat on the same bench I sat on 2 years ago. I exercised my memory by trying to come up with the name of the book I read then, I think it was The Woman Destroyed by Simone de Beauvoir. Now I was reading Chrobot by Tomek Michniewicz. It’s not only the familiarity of the place that makes the revisiting worth it. It’s all the feelings you can unlock while revisiting. If I had to be honest, I’d say I don’t remember 50% of things I see while travelling. I remember the most minute things, or the grandest ones. I remember things like the T-shirt was too sweaty that day or that thing with the broken heel. Traveling is as much about the regularity of life as much as it is about seeing new things. Traveling is sometimes the thing that takes you out of your routine, whatever you’re feeling in that moment, and sometimes it makes you feel them all the more. The first time in Copenhagen was like that. I remember sitting on that bench. I was wearing a scarf/bandana on my head, my lips were shiny from the lipgloss I put on and I remember I was getting stressed about washing my hair. There was no hairdryer in the house I was staying in, and it was too cold to have them dry out outside. I remember thinking if I want to wash my hair I need to come back earlier to have them dry out naturally. I was sad. I was sad a lot, actually, during that trip. A bit heartbroken, or very much so, the most I think I have ever been and the rain. The rain each day of the 4 days I was there was not helping. And Simone de Beauvoir was helping a little, but not enough.

I sat on the same bench three days ago and I didn’t feel any of that. And that’s a good feeling. Do with that feeling whatever you’d like, there could be something like 5 metaphors, out of the benches. The same benches.

highlights: reading, watching, last words

☆ I loved this NYT essay - it’s on life, happiness, Finland and that feeling of wanting to compare your life to the life of other people while travelling, I think it’s written beautifully > My Miserable Week in the ‘Happiest Country on Earth

☆ finished reading Stoner by John Williams and made my first reel about it, I can feel the free books coming my way soon - this is the reel

☆ rewatching the first season of SATC, because I am running low on dopamine, and Mike’s Mic made an amazing Youtube video on it, I do really love the way they shot the first season, it was much more experimental in the format

☆ I might not survive one more week of 15 degrees Celsius during May

ciao <3