the thing is, we all think about age

on age & media & how s*cial m*dia it ruined it all

the beginning of age

Age has always been a thing, obviously. It legally binds us to responsibility and with some passing years, we gain things we so look forward to - like being able to finally drive a car or being of age to run for president (to each their own). We look for advice from those older than us, we fraternize with those of the same age - this happens especially before 18, and we give advice to those younger than us. In a way age is a signal of where we are in life.

I am still a kid, however, who has this idea of making it installed deeply within myself. It fluctuates. Sometimes I want to make it as a writer, sometimes I want to make it as a well-traveled relaxed person, and sometimes I just want to be famous and praised. Still though, with each of these things, there are people that have done it already, and one thing they always have is age.

There’s something horrible I do after reading a good book. I calculate how old the author was when they published their first book. Joan Didion was 29 when she published Run River, but that does not really count because she was a respected essayist before. I do have time but if I was true to history, well I am not making it up to Joan’s Standards. Grimus, Rushdie’s first book was published when he was 28. Maybe there is still time, but then again Rooney was 26 when she published Conversations with Friends. Time is a ticking bomb and I just turned 22. Time is an annoying guy that you see when you first enter a party and you know he will come up at some point and interest himself - not you - in a long conversation.

The thing is, I realized, this little mathematical exercise with books and their authors is actually not that bad. I appreciate the good authors. I do not think I have the arrogance to think I’ll ever be as good as them. And even if I were, art takes time and I am willing to wait. This exercise is also good because it is clear. 1975-1947 is 29 (Salman Rushdie). And the same goes for my older, talented friends. They are 26 or 29 and I know it and even if I envy them it’s fine because there is time and for the most part I feel like it’s on my side.

It all gets so much worse, like everything, online. There, the time feels definitely against me, and it’s throwing a fit.

please don’t tell me you’ve done more already

I started writing this during the last week of the year past - 2024. Everyone was either thinking about the year past, thinking about the year past, and posting about it online, or doing everything in their power not to think about the year past. I was somewhere in between the first and third option. But I was definitely a recipient of those who decided to post something online. A lot of posts were trying to share the idea of appreciating the wins even when we don’t see them that way. It’s easier to see some things when we take a step back.

I do appreciate this idea. What I do not appreciate though is that one of these posts was a 19-year-old girl who shared that she made her first 100K and had an interview with all the top 5 big companies (who are they? I’d like to never know). Well, after seeing that and dramatically chucking my phone to the other side of the room I thought to myself WHAT THE FUCK.

I think to myself these words… well because I am human and I am subject to comparison. And I know it is the killer of joy (or maybe it is expectation?). Well, I compare. And how could you not compare when there are 19-year-olds making bank like this? I am sure the spirit of Christmas would agree with me - it’s a messed up world out there.

Growing up I was always that annoying kid who wanted to have older friends, and for the most part, I did manage to get a few. I was also that annoying kid who always wanted to sit at the adult table. To all the adults in my life, I am sorry.

Now that I am an adult I am happy to call people younger or older than me friends. Those younger than me make me feel good about passing some horrible life chapters - like being 16, or just starting university and the older ones show me that there is still time. In real life age makes me feel like things are going according to plan.

what did the internet mess up, again

Scanning my mind for all the discourse around age in media I think it all starts with the problem of adult actors playing teenagers. There was Riverdale, Euphoria, and pretty much every other TV series that was big when I was in high school. I would like to think it did not have any psychological effect on me and everyone else, but that can’t be true. We were fed these images of these people perfectly cast for the role we all wanted to play, but the truth is we were all teenagers, and we all had zits in the wrong places. If it didn’t cause any psychological effects, because say we were aware these people were older than the regular teenagers it still alarmed us that well, this is how we ought to look.

The next step of the age-agenda (for lack of a better name) is the everybody-is-famous movement. The everybody-is-famous movement, which obviously is a WIP name, is the effect of the growth of apps that make regular people famous. First YouTube and then TikTok (which definitely sped up the process) made regular people famous or showed them to us. Suddenly it wasn’t only Lady Gaga who made it before she turned 24. It was thousands and millions of other people who shared their milestones before this and that age. And this I think is something that personally has the biggest impact on me.

Every day, because I am addicted to my phone I am being fed more and more faces, because they are not even names, that tell me - with proof like beautiful pictures and short clips - that they have done something. All that while I am doing something I am not supposed to be doing - wasting my time on my phone. This does not make you feel good. And it is a bit of a paradox.

Writing this before the TikTok ban (which in turn did not even last a full day, this is me proofreading it after the ban), people have been raising the fact that TikTok really was the platform that made everyday people famous. Some of them were just everyday people and some were everyday people with talent. And that is, honestly, a good thing. Some of these everyday people would not have been able to be successful otherwise, and it is good that celebrity status is being questioned. Should we praise celebrities just because they are famous? Especially if some of them have been born into success? Is it not better to then follow someone who built their fame organically? Someone more like the everyday man?

But the thing is, even though we think it is everyday people we see online they are not everyday people on the basis that we don’t know them. We are not acquainted with any of them. Dunbar’s number - the number of people our brains can handle - stands at 150. Now think about how many people you see online every day. Things become scary.

In real life, even if you were extremely extroverted and somehow had capacity to know more than 150 people, say you would meet as many as you see online, I dare to say that the effects on the way you think about yourself would be different. There is less comparison in real life because we have more clues to signal that we are jumping to conclusions too quickly.

So again, let’s connect it to age. Let’s connect it to the 19-year-old girl. I am 22. Recently turned. Lovely number, makes me feel good about myself. I spent the last 3 years living abroad in different cities, backpacked Asia, all the good stuff, but I can’t lie that 19-year-old girl made me feel self-conscious. Now, in Australia, I made a friend. She was younger than me which took me by surprise because prior to that the only younger friends were my brother and his friends. This new friend was smart, dressed cool, and we had a lot in common. She did not interview with the Big 5 but in some areas, she definitely did more than I did. And in some ways it definitely made me think about myself, but it was motivating and inspiring and just showed that we were different. We came from different backgrounds, we had different opportunities. There was nuance on which I would build up the belief that even though she was younger and may have done some things I have not yet done, it’s fine because we are just different.

I truly believe we are not meant to see that many people succeed, or, on that note, to see that many people in general. My friend’s success makes me happy, and the success of that one guy from my hometown who is getting into NASA, and he is my age, does make me happy as well. But seeing Reel after Reel of people my age or twice my age succeeding makes me salty, and frankly, that is also okay. 

ah! so they are 30!

30 is not a bad number! Not a bad age at all. I’d like to believe that by 30 the least I have is some life wisdom, or at least I overthink less. It would be lovely to own a house or maybe just a car, but… cost of living.

The same goes for 35, 26, 32 or 40. Beautiful ages with each of them bringing more or less experience. I know people older than me (shocker) and this year especially, as I shared a house with people who were a few years older than me, I can confidently say that these friendships were some of my best. I love being reassured that there’s still time, but I also love seeing that everyone seems to be having fun no matter if they have 2 or 3 or 4 in the front of their number.

This year I started following some influencers who run or train for a marathon. Not that I am doing that or see myself doing so soon, but it definitely motivated me to run more or just move in general. I have a set of influencers I do appreciate popping up on my feed. There’s: Savannah Sachdev (so cool), Dan Jones (aesthetic wise the best athletic Instagram I have seen), and Lucy Georgia (best smile). It really does look like I am an overly athletic freak, but I have a point here.

While I really enjoy watching these people from time to time, when I would get overwhelmed with life I would think about them and tell myself well they look like they’ve got it all figured out! The thing is: they’re just older. And the other thing is: sometimes it’s hard to tell.

We can go on for months following someone, and subconsciously compare us to that person, but what we forget to realize sometimes is that person is just… older. It’s cute that this girl you follow has opened a new wool scarf brand, congrats! But it is just silly to think you should expect yourself to do that when you’re fresh out of uni. I am not saying that a 22-year-old can’t do that as well, but things like these take time and commitment, and maybe at the time you’re in now you’re committing to something else.

And it is increasingly hard to say who is what age. I don’t want to be the age police but growing up I could at least categorize it. People with children were around 30-40. My cousins’ friends were around 6 years older. There were more markers. People of similar age tended to dress similarly, and now that changed. And I do love it! I love that there are grandmas with better style than me. I am just saying it is very easy (online) to lose the attention to clock in that someone is older, thus had more time to achieve things. And don’t even get me started on the effects of the increase in cosmetic surgery on that perception.

I don’t particularly compare myself on the looks level. I think my dad taught me very early on that you look the way you look, and somehow that made me very confident. Thanks, Dad. What I compare myself to is people’s routines, productivity, and drive to do things. And when we do that with people that are older than us another thing comes into play.

I don’t think we’re meant to be as prepared for life as they are. I keep thinking about the essay on Loserdom by Tell the Bees where the idea that our generation stays in more and is somehow scared to go out was raised. I can’t say that it’s necessarily my problem, but I can see the connection. If you see all these 30-somethings with their beautiful routines, you’re going to jump on the bandwagon. The thing you’re not seeing is that probably if not always they also had messy 20s, because that’s what 20s are supposed to be. Again not saying fun stops after 30, nope! Just saying that there are undoubtedly differences between someone who is 20 and 30.

some last bits

Age should be something that is celebrated at 25, 50, or 16 however corny that sounds. I believe that surrounding yourself with people younger and older and investing time and energy in those friendships can benefit us greatly. And same goes for the internet, we can learn from creators from both sides of the spectrum that is age. It is just the power we give to the scroll that can really influence us. With the right amount of media literacy and general awareness, we can fight off the way the comparison creeps into our brains.

There are still some beautiful corners of the internet that remind me of that (Jen Latch who makes those super cool videos Things I wish I knew at 25 and not 40), but most importantly it is the lack of it that soothes my mind.

As always, just touch some grass.